i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Shame - the story of my life.
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