im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
