My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
