On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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