Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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