Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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