I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
