in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
