No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
