your parents love me but you hate me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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