I'm going to jail i love you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
