She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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