This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
