Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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