to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm too high and old for this...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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