i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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