i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
