Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
