T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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