I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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