Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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