I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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