yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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