She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
