There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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