history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
whose ass print is on the piano?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
