i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
