I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
