opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
