i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
