Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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