I wish they made helmets for livers.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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