Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
