did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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