are you so shy because you have an std?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
