I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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