I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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