Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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