so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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