I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
