you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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