Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
