You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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