The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
