I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
only if we run a train.
done.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
