Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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