I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
