; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
