i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
