I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
