Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
