smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
