Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
