I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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