I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
