Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
