Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
