oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
