I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is wine microwaveable?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
