I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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