no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
