...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
