I can tuck mytits in my pants
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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