around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
